to whom it may concern
January 19, 2018
This is to inform you that we have gone fully native.
Jerry is heretofore known as Mowgli and I am Nala. My face-recognizing computer no longer recognizes me.
We have worn nothing but sand on our feet for weeks. We may or may not have stopped wearing undies. This can neither be confirmed nor denied.
We now subsist on a diet of coconut, passion fruit, mangos and sticky rice.
We’ve made the painful decision to sever all ties with cold, dark, wet winters. Instead, we will tough it out here in what certain ignorant people term a shithole country, sleeping in hammocks, swimming with the fishes, and conversing with the talking birds.
Hope that’s okay with you.
Wish you were here. Glad we’re not there.
Mowgli and Nala