June 10, 2016
Here’s how to 1) have a successful pool party and 2) embarrass your teenager IN ONE SIMPLE STEP! #parentingtips #teenagers #summerfun
Print out the list of rules below. Then make a martini, put on the headphones, kick back and enjoy.
Polite language only, please. Swearing makes Susan’s ears bleed. She’s like your grandma, only meaner. If we catch you swearing, you have to wear Clara’s tutu.
No adjusting the music or touching the speaker, especially if you’re wet. Whenever you hear Carter’s favorite song by Katy Perry, you have to stop what you’re doing and dance.
Use your phone only to take photos and to check in with your parents. If you play a game on your phone, we will take an embarrassing picture of you and post it.
If you’re wet, stay outside. We mean wet feet, clothes, hair, nose hairs, everything. There is a Honey Bucket for wet people to use.
Go outside anyway–the beach, the corner village, the trails.
Doors stay closed. No running through the house. If you’ve seen what Barkis does when people run, you’ll understand.
There is a special place in hell for people who chase Lenny.
If you overuse the word “like,” you have to, like, wear the mosquito hat until, like, someone, like, says it more than you.
After 9pm, it’s quiet time. Don’t go near the guest house. There are zombies staying there and they don’t like to be disturbed.
No movies naughtier than PG-13. If you argue over which movie to watch, then the movie will be Bambi.
Be safe about fire. We like barbecued meat, but teenagers tend to be too tough to eat.
Peeing in the hot tub or pool will activate the sensor dye and everyone will know you did it.
You can play with the Airhead, paddle boards and kayak in the Sound, but do NOT let them scrape bottom–especially the Airhead. A floatation device is mandatory. On the paddleboard, use the ankle strap because that’s the floatation device.
You get one drink cup and one paper plate. Put your name on them. If you lose your cup, you have to drink out of Carter’s glass.
Helmets are mandatory. Maybe not for swimming unless you’re super clumsy.
Cleanup happens before the movie. Cleanup means all pool toys, towels, S’mores stuff, dishes, drink stuff, leftover food, extra clothes, dead rats, ashes of former teachers.
Final cleanup happens before breakfast, and you need to be finished with all your stuff in the car by 9:30am.